Oh No!
So you're STILL addicted to your narcissistic ex?!
Its frustrating.
It's humiliating.
Despite a long (and possibly growing) list of legimate grievances you have for their various wrondoings, their lies, provocations, gaslighting and abuse you still crave their attention.
And they are still the "centre point" of your emotional life.
Why Can't I Let them Go?
This is the cry of frustration I hear from people all the time. You go therapy, you read books and attend courses but at the end of the day, if they call or text you, you cant help yourself but respond to them.
Why?
Its not that youre a stupid person or that you dont have options so why on earth would this be happening to you?
The Answer = Trauma Bonding
I came across the concept of trauma bonding when exploring the psychology of narcissistically and psychopathically abusive relationships.
Yes, we have all heard of "Stockholm Syndrome" - the effect of becoming enamoured of ones captor, but in reality there is little evidence that this ever occurs in the manner described.
A far superior model, in my view, is offered by a Psychoanalytic model called the "splitting" defense.
In order to cope with the intense trauma of the intermittent abuse and the needs of a situation which we percieve as "survival threatening" we begin to split away memories and events of the abusive behaviour, holding an internalised false view of the abuser as "good".
This traumatic bond can only be broken by reintegrating the split.
This technique is so powerful I once had an audience participant at a seminar claim that she broke her "trauma bond" with her abusive ex husband of 25 years after only hearing me describe the technique for 15 minutes.
Thats not a typical example and I only offer it to demonstrate the potential power of the technique. You should expect this course to work within about 2 weeks to one month of beginning it provided you follow the instructions carefully.
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Disclaimer
The course and the material presented in this course is for education purposes only and does not replace face-to-face therapy with a qualified mental health professional.